If you woke up this morning wondering what the Louisiana State House of Representative has been up to lately, you’ll be happy to know that they’ve been keeping busy singing inappropriate songs about Halle Berry.

Here are the lyrics.

The eccentric Phil Thomas Katt of The Uncharted Zone (the best TV show you’re not watching) has done it once again. First, he discovered the amazing Mark Gormley, and now he’s got a new talent.

He goes by the name Dr. Breeze, and it’s easy to see why. Just listen to “Because of the Brave” and tell us you don’t feel like you’re driving a Mustang convertible down an empty winding road. To say that Dr. Breeze is smooth is a sheer understatement. Relaxing and patriotic, this song is perfect for a 4th of July cookout. Keep it on repeat all day, you’re not going to get tired of it. And thanks to the blue screen expertise of Phil Thomas Katt, the video is a doozy.

As great as Dr. Breeze is, we would also like to acknowledge his backup singers, particularly the enthusiastic young man in the black t-shirt. Your intensity and energetic hand gestures ring every bit as loud as the freedom you proudly sing of. Great job!

So today, the powers that be announced that Web 2.0 was the one millionth word in the dictionary.

You know what, that’s just too nerdy, even for us. If we were in charge of adding words to the dictionary, we definitely would’ve gone with Bro Mitzvah.

What’s a Bro Mitzvah, you say? It’s the black Bar Mitzvah, DUH!

We’re not ones to judge people by their appearance, but there’s no way in hell you’ll catch us having a beer with this belly-shirt-wearing, man-voiced, clinically-depressed giant baby duck. Dude, you’re just creepy, and your little song there isn’t helping you out one bit.

You want our advice? Get rid of the ridiculous hat, plush bow tie, belly shirt and diaper, and go buy yourself a suit. It doesn’t matter how old you are, Baby Huey, but if you sound like a man, then you are a man, so dress the part. And get a haircut while you’re at it, your current one looks stupid.

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This is probably the weirdest thing we’ve ever seen for sale (and we’ve seen our share of Sky Mall catalogs). Wal-Mart-owned Sam’s Club is selling personal concerts by the once-quasi-famous Ryan Cabrera. And it costs a whopping $24,500 to boot. This is Ryan Cabrera we’re talking about here folks, not some current pop semi-sensation. We wouldn’t even drop a quarter in the guy’s guitar case if we saw him playing on the street, much less pay $25k to ruin our party.

If you look at the Sam’s Club page, it’s really bizarre how they describe him like they would a product, giving you a brief description followed by bulleted advantages.

The best part, though, is the shipping description. Reading it, you would have no idea they’re talking about a live human.

This product ships to all 50 states. Estimated delivery time is 4 weeks if shipping to an Alaska, Hawaii, Puerto Rico or APO/FPO address via standard delivery. Tracking information for USPS shipments is unavailable.

They really make it sound like if you ordered a Ryan Cabrera personal concert, he’d come in a box (probably with ventilation holes and some dry ice to keep him from overheating).

If you’re thinking about buying the Ryan Cabrera personal concert, keep in mind, 1) Your daughter doesn’t like him anymore, and 2) This is what you’re getting for your $24,500:

Besides a life in plastic, you know what else is fantastic? Aqua’s comeback, that’s what!

2009 is shaping up as the year of the comeback with LFO announcing theirs just last week. Now Aqua is getting in on the action and they’ve even released a new song, “Back to the 80’s.” It’s a magnificently deep song that spans three decades (written in the ’00s, sounds like the ’90s, talks about the ’80s).

Have a listen, won’t you?

What’s up with this press photo of Christopher Guest, Michael McKean, and Harry Shearer. More specifically, what the hell’s wrong with Harry Shearer’s arms? He’s got three of them! Who the hell does Shearer think he is growing a third arm, Marty Malt from The Dark Backward?

Either Harry Shearer underwent a gross mutation since we last saw him, or somebody went a little Photoshop happy. (The mutation is definitely more likely.)

If you haven’t heard, the Spinal Tap boys are touring the nation performing songs from Spinal Tap, A Mighty Wind, and Waiting for Guffman. They’re calling the tour Unwigged & Unplugged on account of their performing songs as themselves and not their on-screen characters. Here’s a clip:

In our middle school days (mid-’90s), it was cool for headbangers to write the name of their favorite bands on their backpacks with White-Out. NIN, Metallica, RATM, and Green Day were all really popular.

There was one kid—he was new—who decided to be trendy and give it a go. One look at his freshly-painted backpack, and it was obvious that this new guy just did not get it. The dude decided to let the whole school know that his favorite band was none other than Diana Ross and the Supremes.

Needless to say, everyone tormented this kid. Even yours truly took a break from sitting quietly and keeping to himself and got in on the action.

We share this story with you, not because we’re proud of bullying a clueless newbie, but because after watching this video, those all-too-familiar feelings of wanting to make a middle-schooler cry have come back.

Honestly, if you watch this video and you don’t clench your fist, you’re lying to yourself.

We’re on our way right now to shove these kids into lockers and take their lunch money.