Before you pay for that tie this Father’s Day, answer this question: Can Dad pee in it?

If he can’t, you’re wasting your mulah. Listen, Dad’s not getting any younger, and the older he gets, the more he’ll have to pee every five seconds and the more he’ll appreciate the mind-blowingly dull sport of golf. Show Dad how much you love him by getting him a gift that says, “I understand the changes you’re going through and they’re nothing to be ashamed of.” Get him a golf club he can pee into.

Clearly, the UroClub’s best feature is the little green towel that covers your junk. With that handy rectangular piece of cotton fabric, you go from “degenerate urinating in golf course” to “classy golfer checking out his clubs while standing strangely still.”

Order your UroClub today!

If you’re still not sold on the UroClub (or doubt that it’s real), watch this.

Poor Shawn Johnson. The 17-year-old gold medalist and Dancing with the Stars champion had to be put to sleep today after breaking her leg.

After doctors informed her parents, Doug and Teri Johnson, that she would never be able to compete professionally again, they made the tough decision to put her out of her misery with a quick shot to the back of her head.

The Onion has an exclusive interview with Doug and Teri Johnson.